Connecting

Several days ago, I found out that one of my friends is receiving hospice care.  Often, I connect with people by making them a card or providing them with something to eat. Earlier today, I sat down to make my friend a few cards, in a color that she loves, but I do not.  She does not have much energy for visitors, but I thought I would share some lessons I've learned about visiting with people who are in the midst of loss.  

First, be willing to be quiet and just BE with them.  In this day and age, people are particularly uncomfortable with silence.  I continually remind myself that there's a reason God gave me two ears and one mouth.  Listening is vitally important whether your friend is in hospice, has lost a pet, or a job.  

Second, refrain from saying things like 'I know just how you feel.'  You probably don't.  How could you?  You aren't them.  A better follow-up to the ubiquitous 'How are you?' is 'That sounds . . .'   Fill in the blank with words where you acknowledge what they have shared.  If you are feeling brave and your acquaintance is being particularly chatty, open the door with the phrase 'Tell me more about that. . .'

Third, consider bringing your friend a little something - their favorite fruit, a CD with their favorite music, a book by their favorite author, and so on.  Loss - in its various forms - can be lonely.  Ultimately, most important thing you bring your friend is YOU.