To the Parents of a Special Needs Child

My blog posts, for the most part, seem to be centered around faith, felines, and my feeble attempts at food preparation. Its not as though I don't care about other things, I just don't blog about them. Not long ago, my dear friend Judi Harpel sent me an e-mail about a couple she knows who had recently given birth to a child with special needs.

Judi and I go way back.  She managed and was a co-owner of the Christian bookstore where I bought many wonderful books.  One day - as she was bagging my purchase - Judi asked me where I was from.  Apparently, I did not sound like a  Boulder native.  As it turns out, Judi graduated from Wheaton College, outside Chicago.  Her husband Rich, who served in various capacities in the administration at CU Boulder, did his student teaching at York High School.  My mom, my dad, and both of my uncles went to York.  Somehow, my mom cajoled my dad into moving to Colorado between my sophomore and junior year, and I finished high school out here.  As much as I love Colorado - especially the weather - I still think that the Chicago area is probably best place on earth to raise kids.

Anyhow, I sent Judi a note to pass on to her friends. I thought I would share a portion of it here.  For a number of years, I spent significant time with the families whose kids I skiied with,encountered at Children's Hospital in Denver, and so on.

Having a special needs child will rock your world. Then again, all children, regardless of need, rock your world.

Having a special needs child will bless your family. Still, it’s imperative that you take time to grow your marriage and to nurture your other children. When you ignore your spouse, your marriage, and your other children, your whole family suffers.

Raising a special needs child is expensive, but you can do it. Some families experience more challenges in this area than others. Somehow, my parents who gave birth to me at 21 and 20 and did not complete college, were particularly blessed in this arena.

My parents invested in their first apartment building with seed money from both of their parents when I was four. During the week, my dad worked in construction in Chicago. My mom took care of me and helped manage the apartments. Every so often, we’d sell a smaller property to invest in a larger one.

Because my parents were able to provide me with first-rate medical care and we were able to live in communities with great schools, I received some opportunities that other special needs children did not.

It takes a BIG village to raise a special-needs child. You’ve probably figured this one out already. Doctors . . . physical therapists . . .grandparents . . . cousins. . .

My parents did several things early on that have had life-long impact.  They were:

1. Physical therapy early and often – I started PT at 2 ½ (In 1963 no less). I did not need much OT or Speech Therapy. I started physical therapy so young that I thought it was playtime. I attended physical therapy at least once a week until I turned 16.  My PTs instilled good health and fitness habits in me early on. 
2. My extended family carried-out the plans of the physical therapists, teachers, and so forth. In other words, everyone took me on walks.  Everyone quizzed me on math facts.  Everyone read to me (and had me read aloud).  While I was materially blessed beyond measure, none of my relatives let me sit around and be lazy.
3. I had opportunities to develop social skills as well as physical ones – Sunday School, Scouts, sports programs, spending time with families who have lots of able-bodied kids. I can’t stress this enough.

What else?  Few of us – able-bodied or otherwise – make use of all the ability we’ve been given. It’s imperative that you provide your child with the opportunities and encouragement to make the most of his/her ability.

Trust your instincts. Even when you surround yourself with the best and brightest experts (and I hope that you are able to do that) to provide care and assistance for your special needs child, you still need to trust your gut. If a physician or teacher suggests something that doesn’t sit right with you, it’s OK to say: We need to think about that. We’ll get back to you.

Finally, whenever possible, treat your special needs child the same way you treat a child who has no special needs. You do the child – and his/her siblings, future classmates, future co-workers, spouse, etc – a great disservice when you let him/her whine incessantly, get out of picking up his/her toys, and so forth.